In the Fall of 2016, as I was completing a fifteen-day fast I decided to update my Gospel playlist and found several new artists. One in particular from his authenticity, rawness, and vulnerability, in his music, it felt like he was singing about my life. And I continued to listen to all of his albums.
One day as I went into the kitchen, listening to one of his albums; before I could make it to the refrigerator I heard, in the most calming voice, “Husband, Husband, Husband”.
God spoke to me but I was confused about what He meant by this. I decided to pray and look in the Word to receive clarification from this message. Through my prayer and testing, I knew that God revealed to me that he was my husband.
So much self-doubt fell over me because this was something that I had never heard of before. I prayed for years for God to tell me who my husband is, however, I did not think it would be like this. I have learned that God does not always do things in the way that I want. He does them in a way that aligns me with His purpose.
Sometimes God will reveal things to us and test us to see how we will handle it. Will we hold on to His promise and refuse to let it go or will we fall under pressure dropping the promise because it was not what we expected or it did not come in the way that we wanted it.
As a couple of weeks past, I was at work and felt the strong urge to look him up. I saw that he was having a concert in a city an hour away from me, in two weeks. I thought this was pretty cool, but I have never been concerts, so I didn’t look anymore into it. Yet, once again the calming voice of God said, “Go”. So I put my own thoughts to the side and I looked up prices and a friend agreed to go.
Two days before the concert
When the concert was approaching I checked the weather and saw that it was supposed to storm that night. I immediately felt a sense of heaviness come onto me because I had severe anxiety when driving in the rain.
I immediately felt fear and wanted to back out of going to the concert but my boss at the time saw me having an anxiety attack and called me to her office to calm me down. After explaining to her about the concert and rain, she prayed over me and told me that it would only sprinkle that night and I would make it to the concert with no anxiety. I received and claimed what she said. And she was completely right.
The evening of the concert I was nervous because I had never really stepped out on faith before so being led by God in this way was new to me but I knew in my spirit that God had His hand on all of this so I was going to trust Him even if my mind was telling me to stay at home.
Originally I had a dress picked out but I felt that I needed to ask God what I should wear. As I did He told me to wear a dress that my mom had recently purchased, it was black with small white flowers. I thought that was strange but none-the-less I wore the dress.
Just as I was leaving my bedroom my ring fell off of my left ring finger underneath the dresser. I bent down to get it but it was so far back that I would have to move the dresser just to get it and I was already running late so I decided to leave it there until I got back home.
Once we made it to the church, we were redirected to another building. Walking into the concert I was shocked by how the layout was set up. It was a very intimate environment with pink and purple lighting and there were seats and couches. But considering this was my first concert this might have been a common thing. Being the third people in line we were able to get good seats in front of the stage.
Waiting for the concert to begin I felt peace fall over me. I knew that God was in the building.
While he and his band came to the stage and there were girls trying to get his attention; I was just observing him, trying to figure out why him? As I looked at him I realized why God told me to wear this black and white flower dress. He and I were actually matching. I chuckled at that because God truly knows what He is doing.
When the concert ended, there was an opportunity for everyone to meet him. Sadly I had to leave for work in the morning. Sometimes I wonder if I would have stayed what would have happened. Would our love-story begin that very night? But then I remember that God’s plan will be fulfilled. Doesn’t matter how long it takes God is in control.
God’s timing, not mines
As the weeks went by I just expected him to show back up in my life as soon as possible because everything leading up to it happened within a month’s time.
Many months I spent waiting and waiting and praying and praying to ask God where he was and why would such a good thing happen and disappear to become just a memory.
I didn’t realize at the time that God needed to clean out my heart. I needed to grow up, break soul-ties, forgive, and be forgiven. The beauty in God and what makes Him the best Father in the entire world is that He will keep His promise but He is not going to jump the timing of His plan all because I feel that it’s time.
God gives us free-will
God gives us free-will but He also has a purpose for our lives that is more wonderful and fulfilling than we could ever imagine to do ourselves. Yes, God told me who He created to be my husband. However, we both have free-will to agree to God’s best. And this free-will means that we can settle for someone else or wait for God to bring us together; it is our choice.
I choose God’s best because He is God, the creator of all. He loves me dearly and sincerely wants the best for me. God has already paved a great path for me. It would be so wrong of me to say, “God I’m sorry but I don’t want your best, I would rather settle for less.” Writing that out sounds horrible. But I have been there, settling for men that I knew God didn’t want for me but I didn’t believe that I deserved the best because of my past.
God allowed me to see His best for me and gave me the choice to either trust Him or deny it.
Knowing your worth is so important and knowing that through Jesus you have the opportunity to be made new. Who says that you have to settle for less and can’t receive all that God has in store for you? The devil is a liar and you need to rebuke all those lies today.
No, you deserve true love and happiness and peace. While you wait for God’s promises to be revealed: work on yourself, get an unbreakable relationship with Jesus, and continue to fulfill your purpose. Allow God to write your love story on His terms and His timing. One day, before you know it, you will look back on your life and see how God perfectly planned everything out! Glory to God!
As for my love story, It is 2019 soon to be 2020 and though I have cried, been sad, and lonely a lot of times since 2016. If God would have given me my husband three years ago the relationship would not have lasted. Truly I can say that I had so much growing up to do and I’m still growing every day. I stand here today as a woman of God, who knows who she is and can’t be swayed by temporary temptation. I am a Proverbs 31 woman and I refuse to settle for less.
When God brings my husband back I will be more than prepared. My husband is receiving a woman who is sure of herself and her relationship with God. God has placed a purpose in my heart and I am acting on it. I am healed from past hurt and helping others to heal their past hurt. I am not the girl that was unsure of who she was and felt unworthy of love.
I write my story not to boast of knowing who my husband is but to show that God does listen to our prayers. He isn’t just sitting around not paying attention. God deeply cares about our concerns/wants in life but He will show and reveal them on His timing, not ours. When we pray we must believe and have faith that He will come through because He always does! We must give it all to God and be free from worrying about how things will play out. God has already seen everything and is not surprised by our asking. Rightfully so He placed those desires in our hearts for a reason.
My story and your story is not over yet. Every day that God wakes us up is another wonderful day He has written for us. And we need to focus on Him before anything else, (work, school, spouse, life) if we don’t we become off-balance. And being off-balance with God is the last thing that we really want to do.